(Note to reader:  I know this is long but I’m only doing this once and the hundreds of people in attendance will hopefully understand.  Additionally, some of the items below are bullet points that I expanded upon but the concept is there.  Finally, please know it was a beautiful fall day in Atlanta, sunny & 75 degrees with 66% humidity.  My dad would have probably been upset that many people in attendance missed their tee times.)

On behalf of our family, I would like to thank all of you who are here today to pay respects to my father.  While the last year has been challenging, the support you have provided my parents has been appreciated and immeasurable.  Dad’s doctors and more recently other care givers from home health, and the team at Weinstein hospice helped mitigate the pain and provided comfort to both of my parents.  As for today, the good folks at Arlington, Dressler’s funeral care, and both AA and Temple Sinai synagogues have provided attention to detail as well as the physical and spiritual comfort during this challenging time.

For those of you who knew my dad he really enjoyed life, after four decades of sometimes surviving and other times thriving as a homebuilder he positioned himself and my mom to enjoy their 70’s and beyond.  The ability to start a new real estate investment business, spend time with his grandkids, and explore a passion project or two.  But prostate cancer had a different plan as he entered his 8th decade and over the past five years his ability to live the life he planned and hoped had to be tweaked and eventually modified to reflect the realities of his health.

The way he handled himself throughout his treatments was a microcosm of how he lived his life each day for the previous 70 years… leading and living his life through example; regardless of his “role.”  Said another way, he was the same man whether he was a parent, friend, or business associate.  So for that reason, while I am his son, I am going to talk about the way Gary Unell the person lived his life.

Many of you know the Hebrew word for “life” is “chai.” The word “chai” is made up of the Hebrew letters chet and yud.  The 8th and 10th letters of the Hebrew alphabet respectively.  Combined they for the number 18 and as a result the number 18 has come to be synonymous with stands for the “chai” or "life."

While raised in a Kosher home and attending a conservative synagogue the number 18 had a much larger significance for my father beyond Judaism.  As in 18 holes of golf…

While golf has many rules, the unwritten rules are the things that he lived by and I thought in true “chai” fashion – and to remind everyone in case you forgot what I said a few sentences ago that’s the letter “chai” because my dad definitely was not into “high fashion” – I would like to share 18 life lessons he demonstrated and shared both on and off the golf course.  

1.       Operate with the highest level of Integrity and honesty

a.       Baseball legend Ernie Banks who was also an avid golfer once said "Baseball reveals character; golf exposes it."

b.       For most people, both golf and life require trust, truth, and relationships.  One of the most impressive things about my dad is the way he operated each day to do the correct thing on the golf course and in life.  This allowed him to establish life long friendships, repeat customers while building/renovating homes, and stakeholders in the lending business.

c.       He believed taking shortcuts was only cheating yourself.

2.       Be Respectful

a.       Leave things the way (or better) than you found them.  Outside of slow play there were only a couple of things that bothered my father on the golf course.  And those items were when others were disrespectful by not fixing a divot on the green or not raking the sand trap.

b.       Through golf he taught us respect and manners like where to stand when others were hitting and putting.  He taught us to remove the pin and to put your unused clubs next to it so you don’t forget them.

c.       But as with all of the items I am going to share, respect went beyond golf.  He demonstrated and expected us to treat others with respect. – Saying hello, looking people in the eye, shaking hands. 

d.       He treated everyone the same because everyone deserves it.   He didn’t care if you were his CEO client or one his subcontractors; he treated you with respect and didn’t tolerate when respect was not demonstrated.  One example…

e.       I was 14 years old and working as a little league umpire for the second season.  Because I worked the previous year, I knew almost all of the coaches and kids from the previous season but this year there was a new coach and after umpiring his first game of the season I came to the conclusion that he was an absolute jerk.  My dad picked me up that afternoon and when I got in the car after umpiring and my dad could tell something was wrong.  I explained that the coach of one of the teams was a jerk and he asked me if I knew them and after telling him that he was new I looked up and saw him loading his car ~50 yards away.  I pointed and said that’s him.  My dad drove over towards Coach Jerk’s car, rolled down the window and to my surprise yelled out the guy’s last name and said your house is now costing you $20,000 more.  The coach turned around shocked to see/hear my dad.  The coach replied “I had no idea this is your son.”  And my dad said, something to the effect of it didn’t matter if it was his son or not.  And that it may be OK to act that way up north where he’s from but it isn’t going to work here in Atlanta.  It was just one example of how he not only supported me but supported both our community.

3.    “Sometimes it is better to be lucky than good… my boy” – Dad’s quote that often started or ended with “my boy.”

a.       I have hit many shots off of trees that landed in fairways.  And I have hit a golf that somehow bounced off/skipped across the water and rolled up on to dry land.

b.       You should never let success go to your head because today’s good luck could be bad luck tomorrow.

c.       Be humble and be grateful for each opportunity you have.

d.       Bobby Jones one said, “Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play the ball where it lies.” Which is a transition to the next learning…

4.       Play the shots you have not the ones you wish you had

a.       You can go around saying woulda, shoulda, coulda all you want but that is not going to help you get better or move forward.

b.       A few times, he referenced how he passed on an opportunity to make an investment in some company.  While it might have made things more financially secure, I’m not sure it would have changed his life and how he lived it.

5.       Don’t Complain

a.       Payne Stewart said – “A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing.” 

b.       Throughout his treatment he never complained.  In fact, in my entire life I remember only two times where my dad asked me for help.  (Note, to reader not being able to ask for help is a family weakness that seems to be a genetic trait that is passed down.)

c.       He always came to our events growing up.  Whether it was raining and cold or beautiful like today.  He never complained how far he had to drive or what he was giving up to support his children and our endeavors.

6.       Practice – “You have to practice.”

a.       A quote by golfer Seve Ballesteros – "To give yourself the best possible chance of playing to your potential, you must prepare for every eventuality. That means practice."

b.       My dad strongly believed you’re not going to get better doing nothing.  You have to practice whether it is math, investing, cooking, chess, leadership, or any physical sport… you have to put the work with repetition to put yourself in the best position to be ready for when the real thing happens. 

7.       Be prepared

a.       My dad was always prepared and wanted us to be prepared as well.

b.       When attempting to play golf, balls, golf glove, tees, ball marker, water, sunscreen, snacks, umbrella, and for me ball retriever are all important

c.       On the health front, he would tell every man here to get your PSA and your prostate checked each year.  Take care of yourself and do the little things so you can take care of others.

8.       Focus on progress over perfection

a.       My dad tried or considered trying every golf gadget and tool out there.  He had weighted clubs, clubs with grooves for your hands, hand/grip strengtheners, bands to keep your arms the “correct” distance apart, different drivers, and putters all in an attempt to get a little bit better to continue to make progress.

b.       He had other tools, such as books and videos that focused on the mental aspect of the game and those carried over to outside golf as well allowing him to try his best to get better each day.  While you can practice and prepare, there is no such thing as a perfect round of golf just like there is no such thing as a perfect day.  There will be days where you take one step back before you are able to take two steps forward.  And there are days where you are taking multiple steps forward.  When those happen, he always encouraged us we should take time to celebrate for a great shots, milestones in our careers and family lives as well as but we should also recognize that even on the best days one can always learn something new whether be about golf, other people, and definitely yourself.

c.       One time after Harris (when he was 12) won a tennis tournament he spent time congratulating him and celebrating but eventually asked Harris what did you learn that you can apply to your next match.

9.       Every shot counts/matters

a.       In almost every other sport you have multiple chances to achieve success.  In football you get four downs, in baseball you get at least three pitches but in golf every shot counts.

b.       Just like in golf there are no do overs in life.  We will all have encounters that we would of liked to handle differently, things we would have liked to have done or said differently.  I learned through Harris’s 4th grade biography on my dad the regretted not inviting the neighborhood bully to one of childhood birthday party.  It turned out that bully became one of his best and lifelong friends.  I’m sure many of you have situations where you wish you could have done something better or differently.  My dad would encourage you to not wait to make those amends.  While everyone may not receive the opportunity in a positive way you can’t make a shot you don’t take.  To that end…

10.   Give yourself a chance

a.       Don’t leave the ball short… My dad rarely got upset with me on the golf course but he had some strong words when I left a put short reiterating that if you never hit the ball to the hole you’ll never have a chance to make the put.

b.       Off the golf course that translated into other activities sharing, you will never make it if you don’t put enough in to get to your goal

c.       My dad encouraged us to play to our strengths

d.       He encouraged us to try things because you would never know if you could do it if you didn’t try… I remember coming home from 10th grade orientation and telling my parents that I saw my 9th grade basketball coach who also happened to be one of the JV football coaches.  I asked him how the team was looking, and he responded that he needed some players and that I should come out.  All 5 foot 6 and 115 pounds of me laughed all the way home.  But at dinner that night I told my parents the story and then added I want to try and play football.  I think Robert (who was 12 at the time and built more like a football player) is still laughing at that comment. But I realized it would be the last chance I would ever have to play organized football.  And even though my parents worried that I would get broken in ½, they were 100% supportive.

11.   Telling people what to do and them being able to do it are two different things

a.       Watching my dad hit a golf ball was a thing of beauty.  As a kid I remember people coming to watch him and seek his perspective while on the driving/practice range.

b.       For those of you who played with him, you know what I’m saying when I say the ball just sounded different coming off my dad’s clubs.

c.       Over time my dad realized that no matter how many times he told someone what to do… even if it came easy to him – may be really hard for someone else.

d.       This helped me in various consulting roles, while building a team of >1500 people, writing a book, now as CEO for a start-up, and most importantly as a parent. 

12.   Keep your eye on the ball

a.       It is easy to get distracted, but it is important to keep your focus on what is important both in the moment and over time

b.       Now more than ever there are distractions coming at you left and right, up and down.  There are people everywhere trying to refocus your eyes, your behavior, and where you spend or invest your money.

c.       You needed to stay focused and disciplined or you will never reach your goal.

13.   Follow through

a.       1/3 of the golf swing is after contact with the ball

b.       If you can’t follow through you’re either decelerating before you hit the ball or you’re off balance either one is bad.

c.       In life you also have to follow through, dad was always dependable.  Not once do I ever remember a time where he didn’t follow through. 

d.       In summary, don’t make commitments you can’t keep.

14.   Little things matter

a.       Golf is full of little things – grip, stance, body position, hand position, etc.

b.       My dad took great pride in delivering a quality product to his customers and that required the attention to detail

c.       He spent a lot of time with Harris on the golf course trying to instill the same level of discipline he demonstrated both on and off the course.  Those times were priceless for both of them and moments and lessons I know Harris will never forget and share with his sister and cousins.

15.   Work hard, play hard

a.       Education was always important in our home.  It was expected that we would get good grades and that we would go on to college.

b.       At the same time, my dad played hard as well.  One of my earliest memories was when I was 3 or 4 years old walking from our apartment on Dalrymple Rd to North Springs High School where my dad ran around the track.  I thought that was the coolest thing that he could run that far and fast.

c.       A few years later, I remember getting the opportunity in first grade to go watch the Atlanta Golf Classic.  He picked me up from school early and went to sit in the backyard of one of the homes he was building on the course where we had lunch and spent the afternoon together.  A special day, I vividly remember >40 years later.

d.       Many years later, I was able to return the favor about 10 years ago taking him to the Master’s and then the Tour Championship at East Lake in Sept 2021.  While he enjoyed the experience, the hospitality our hosts showed us at East Lake, throughout the day he kept apologizing because his legs weren’t working as well as they once did.  I kept reassuring him that it was great just to spend the day together no matter how much of the course we saw or didn’t see.  While I was just happy to share the experience with my dad, one of the unexpected outcomes was he got to meet our host and some other colleagues who shared with him my reputation and successes in business.  As Lauren described to Rabbi Rosenthal he had this twinkle in his eye and he commented how proud he was of my professional career and character of the people I had developed relationships with.  I knew it may be the last time we got to do something like that and I had us take a picture in front of the lake with the clubhouse behind us.  Ironically, it was the same place I took a picture with Harris three years earlier.  Shortly after that beautiful September day my dad’s health began to decline.  Being able to share those experiences with my dad were priceless.

16.   There’s always going to be someone better than you, but you could be better that day

a.       Jack Nicklaus who was one of my dad’s favorite golfers once said- "Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work."

b.       There will be people with more skill but there are so many more factors than skill that lead to success.

c.       Those people may beat you 99 times out of 100 but today could be your day but only if you think it is possible.  If you go in thinking you have no chance, you will have no chance.

d.       Go out and give it your best effort, you might actually get the outcome you never thought you could.

17.   It’s not what happened, it’s how you respond to what happened that matters

a.       Ben Hogan once said "The most important shot in golf is the next one."

b.       Things may not go your way but you have to be able to bounce back to learn from what happened previously and execute moving forward.

c.       As much as anything, my dad taught us resiliency.

18.   “Tomorrow is another day… my boy” (another quote from my dad)

a.       And he was always right about that… tomorrow is another day; but it is a day that he is no longer physically here with us and for that reason it will be different.  There will always be a physical legacy of hundreds of homes they’ve built and dozens of neighborhoods developed; where generations of families will continue to lay their foundations and build their lives.  The more important legacy will be the relationships he developed and the future generations of Unell’s who will try to carry on the name and the reputation that he, my mom, and his parents created for us.

b.       Professional Golfer Peter Jacobsen was one quoted as saying “One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot - the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something.”

c.       While my father won’t be able to do it, god willing, the rest of his will wake up tomorrow with a chance to tee it up again. 

I hope these life lessons will inspire you to do it with the “chai” my father demonstrated every day.  My dad wouldn’t want you to do it any other way.

The Unell 10 with My Brother’s In-laws Thanksgiving 2021

My dad and I at PGA Tour Championship Sept 2021